I just wanted to ask: What are you going to be for Halloween?
I am most proud of my Generation X for wrestling Halloween away from the kiddies and making it fully adult. Halloween spending is expected to reach $4.96 billion this year, the largest spending increase on the holiday since the Civil War, according to the National Retail Foundation. The spending represents an increase of 34% from the year before, fueled by an increase in the number of people planning to celebrate.
This is all interesting. But I have a deeper discussion to lead: What is the perfect Halloween costume? I will offer two standards by which to judge:
a. Original concept.
b. Well executed.
a. Costume is light enough to wear inside during the party.
b. Costume is warm enough to wear outside during your journey to the party.
c. Costume can endure dancing, spills.
d. Costume is easy to take off for sex.
For years I have toyed with the perfect costume. Most of you are perfectly capable of nailing the “Creativity” standard, so let’s focus on the difficult “All-weather” category.
I felt my “Astro-Not” costume cracked the code two years ago. I had a motorcycle helmet that said “AWESOME” on it (warm), and a duct-tape space suit (warmer). Outside it worked like a champ. Inside, it repelled beer well, but I ended up sweating like a coal miner. The next year I kept the helmet and wore a lighter sweater depicting a Halloween scene. I also carried a stuffed bunny. This time I sweated like a Sunday preacher instead.
And this year? I am thinking of a few concepts: Back to School in North Korea. Civil War Generals like Nikes better than Adidas. Mudpacker: The monster who haunts the day Spa.
I ask: do you have any answers for 2006?
A million candies to you.