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Horoscope for Designers: Valentine’s Edition
Valentine’s Day is a feel good time for lovers and a cash crop for those in the chocolate and greeting card business (or those who have said businesses as clients). You’ll witness a wealth of emotions and responses, but nothing changes the fact that you’ve got to show up at the office and still grind through a collection of deadlines and designs. Learn about the thorns and joys you may encounter in a horoscope full of everything but romance.

ARIES March 21 – April 19
Thanks to the connection between Venus and Jupiter, those extra nice black-rimmed glasses will give you a fresh look at your flat screen, keyboard, or mouse. But a problem lies beneath their smooth surfaces, once you visit the Apple Store—in all its richness—you’ll have trouble resisting the new suite of machines available. Remember, these are first-generation Apptels (Apple + Intel) that are interpolating some OSX applications during the PowerPC transition, and it can’t even run Final Cut Pro.

TAURUS April 20 – May 20
You can (and should) avoid the next Full Moon because your deadlines are more urgent than they appear. Furthermore, be sympathetic to your colleague’s unwillingness to cope with stress and added work that you put on their shoulders. Be a good listener—it’s the secret to being a good designer. And as soon as you get this job off to press, you will be able to sleep at night.

GEMINI May 21 – June 20
You are able to see so far into the future, forecasting your client’s needs before they utter a word or shove a brief in front of your face. Scared? Don’t be, and don’t short-change yourself by working under the estimate you gave them—charge the full amount you quoted. Just because your clients can’t see the value of your work, don’t fret because even when you deliver them the final job in all its perfection, they still won’t get the picture.

CANCER June 21 – July 22
At this volatile moment, the last thing you want to do is tell a client that they’re taking advantage of you. However, the issues exposed by the recent Full Moon have made it perfectly clear that they’ve been thinking solely about themselves and how much extra revenue your work will yield them once they get their consumers to spend more money on their widgets. See if you can extend the deadline and gather extra troops to help out, but focus on the extra money instead of the extra pain in your ass.

LEO July 23 – August 22
When it comes to a creative brief, timing is everything. As eager as you are to get things going, there are numerous matters to consider: scope of work, rate of pay, content, public interest, audience, and media. While it sucks to talk about these issues with a client that doesn’t have the answers, you’ll be able to make progress as soon as they get back to you with more information. But if they fail to respond on time, remember your next project will be more fruitful because Venus is tickling Jupiter, the planet of abundance.

VIRGO Augst 23 – September 22
Having your client come back to you with last minute changes in the design sucks the life out of you. But consider the situation and realize that they want the best for everyone, including the client’s daughter, who acts as a semi-consultant after only one class at a community college. Most importantly, resist the temptation to huff and puff at them when they offer suggestions about what could be done better, or how the type should be bigger. And especially don’t curse the client’s daughter. Overcome your irritations, go back to the drawing board if necessary, and yell behind a closed door—preferably far far away from the office where nobody will hear you.

LIBRA September 23 – October 22
Every Libra has a natural understanding of the great work that can come out of intimate client relationships, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t any lows. Thus far your client hasn’t paid your invoices on time and they suggest lunch meetings at restaurants that don’t even serve after dinner mints. What makes matters worse is the fact that they chew with their mouths open, and what they have to say is usually mixed with some form of chicken or salad or both. How do you withstand their onion intoxication on the drive back to the office? Take separate cars.

SCORPIO October 23 – November 21
Getting your designs from your imagination onto paper has been enough of a task, so do you really want to try and get into the client’s head? Doesn’t matter, they want to get their point across and demonstrate their intentions. Don’t fall back on your heels and say no because you put in a lot of time and energy, and if you piss somebody off now it’ll be hell to pay. Suck it up, hear what they have to say, and see if you can meet them half way. Look them in the eyes and nod as they art direct.

SAGITTARIUS November 22 – December 21
Face the facts, you’ve been soft on your design team because you want them to like you and now the work has suffered. For both them and the client, this is as confusing as it is frustrating; now is the time to be an asshole. Give them shit and you’ll get the results that both you and the client seek. This will make them reflect on their work, get the job up to par, and shift the deliverables into awesome.

CAPRICORN December 22 – January 19
Whether you like it or not, tax day is around the corner and you will owe the IRS money after you sum up your 1099s. Yet you’re still hesitant about even starting the paperwork that will give you a nice round number to write in your checkbook. Don’t fret, but do make sure you have all your expenses in line to save you from paying more than you should. You should have bought that laptop before the end of the year, but don’t feel bad, the next wave of Apples will really kick serious ass. Develop new business relationships; don’t take out another small business loan; consider if an S Corp is the best bet as your business matures.

AQUARIUS January 20 – February 18
Face it, looking at your messy office and the wealth of files sitting on your computer’s desktop urges you to make a large tech purchase to get things in order: palm pilot, Blackberry, iPod, Trapper Keeper. While having newfangled toys and gadgets would appear to make life easier, all they do is keep you from addressing the problem at hand—you’re a slob and your office and computer need to be better organized. Take a day off to get your life in order and listen to soothing music at work instead of that garbage your junior and senior designers claim as “sweet-ass” rap.

PISCES February 19 – March 20
Your coworkers all know about your hopes and personal goals, but you should learn to see through their empathy because they quickly forget about your passions as soon as you walk away from them. Oftentimes, they snicker behind your back about the small projects you persue, calling them self righteous and snobby. Take it personally, leave the office early at least twice a week and go home to work on your own design projects—free of clients, briefs, and reality—while still on the clock.
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ARCHIVE ID 2541 FILED UNDER Miscellaneous
PUBLISHED ON Feb.14.2006 BY Jason A. Tselentis
Unnikrishna Menon Damodaran’s comment is:

Hi Jason


Really enjoyed your horoscope readings on a Valentine's day morning in Saudi Arabia!

I am a Scorpio!! No sting yet!

Yes, tie the donkey where the client wants!!!

Happy Valentines Day to you and all at SpeakUp. Chocolates, Red Rose, Gifts.

shh shhh..... not in this part of the world.

On Feb.14.2006 at 12:26 AM
Jason’s comment is:

...you’ll be able to make progress as soon as they get back to you with more information. But if they fail to respond on time, remember your next project will be more fruitful...

Heh. I've been waiting a week for correspondence back from the representive of Columbia's AIGA student group, Students in Design, on basic information about the organization and schedule. Will today be the day?

On Feb.14.2006 at 06:42 AM
Jason Tselentis’s comment is:

Hopefully, Jason, just wait until Venus starts tickling Jupiter, the planet of abundance. But if now isn't the time, keep plodding away at them.

On Feb.14.2006 at 08:05 AM
Robert Brambila’s comment is:


...the last thing you want to do is tell a client that they’re taking advantage of you.

Ouch. Happy Valentine's Day to all of you!


On Feb.14.2006 at 02:44 PM
Steve’s comment is:

I don't care if it can't run final cut, I need it more than I need oxygen. And Macbook Pro isn't such a bad name is it?

Is it?

On Feb.15.2006 at 01:58 AM
Tselentis’s comment is:

It's still a first generation machine, and be wary of this purchase because the Moon has been aligned with Pluto, and Saturn tickles Jupiter. More advances will come, and patience has its reward.

On Feb.15.2006 at 08:04 AM